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Preventing Child Molestation

Resources | CAP Week | Adult Education
Brochures Orders | Online Brochures: Child Molestation

Any child can be sexually molested, anywhere, at any time. How can children be protected?

Did you know?

In South Africa it is estimated that one in four girls and one in eight boys are sexually abused before the age of sixteen.

Most perpetrators have no criminal record. They often nurture their victims over many years.

In 80% of the cases the sexual molester is known to the child or the family. It could be an uncle, aunt, friend, neighbour, parent, etc. Any person, even in the position of authority, can be a potential molester. This includes strangers.

Lack of knowledge makes innocent children more vulnerable. If we never teach them about and prepare them for situations like these, they think that adults are allowed to do this "because they are adults". Children who have never been taught that they have the right to say NO to anyone, even adults, and who don't know anything about sex and sexuality, are more vulnerable.

How can we protect our children

It is impossible to give our children total protection. We can, however, prepare and educate them about sexual molesting. Children must be made aware of all the potential things that can happen, so that they know how to react to avoid them. Depending on the age of your child, you can teach him step by step about the different dangers to look out for, without taking away his innocence or frightening him. You should always try to be aware of where your child is and what he/she is doing. If your child has been molested, remember: It is not the child's fault.

How do we teach our children?

• By using direct and simple language, as well as using the correct names for body parts (start with what the child already knows and build on that). Do not dramatise the situation. Stay calm and present the information in a positive way. We do not want to frighten or confuse our children.

• Through games.

Safe and unsafe touches

Explain that touching which feels bad is unsafe. An unsafe touch is when someone touches them in a way or place that makes them feel uncomfortable. This can confuse and frighten them. Safe touches make them feel warm inside

Teach children that their bodies belong to them and no one can touch or kiss them in any way that makes them feel uncomfortable. They have the right to control what happens to their bodies. You as parents can help your child to recognise his/her own feelings of comfort and discomfort and to trust these feelings.

Teach your children how to say NO

Give your child permission to say No to adults. It is difficult for a child to say NO to an adult, but he/she must practise saying NO in a loud voice. Every child has the right to say NO.

Secrets

Offenders rely on children being willing to keep secrets. Encourage children never to keep something like this a secret, but to always tell an adult they trust.

Bribes

Molesters often offer children bribes in exchange for sexual favours, e.g. sweets, gifts, money, kittens. Gifts are given freely, but bribes are given to make children do things they do not want to do. This is unsafe.

Children Should Not Define People As Good Or Bad

Do not teach your child that there are bad people and good people. Children seem to think that strangers are "bad" people and people they know, or like, are "good" people and won't hurt them. This is wrong.

Teach children to think objectively:

• Explain that people have good and bad in them and sometimes even good people could do things to them that they don't like.
• Teach them to always say NO to anyone who tries to do something that frightens them.

Answer Children's Questions

Children are curious and often ask questions. They hear things on TV or from their friends. Parents should never ignore these questions. It is important to give honest answers to all their question. Parents do not have to give all the information to the child, which could frighten or confuse him or her, but just enough to answer the question. If you give honest answers, children will trust you and ask questions again. Questions are good. It gives you as a parent the opportunity to convey the correct information to your children.

Possible Danger Signal in Children

Although these signs do not necessarily indicate that your child has been sexually molested, they will help you as a parent to identify that something is wrong:

• Suddenly children have more money and gifts than usual and the source thereof is unknown to you
• Uncle or aunt or other person wants to take out only one child all the time
• Your child takes much longer than usual to get home from school
• The child's behaviour towards a certain person suddenly changes
• Child makes strange comments about a certain person
• Personality of the child suddenly changes and he or she clings to you
• Lack of appetite or sudden increased appetite
• Child suddenly wants to be isolated and seems withdrawn
• Lack of concentration
• Bedwetting
• Nightmares, can't sleep at night
• Child has a lot of sexual knowledge for his or her age
• Depression, withdrawal, suicide attempts, etc.
• Medical problems such as chronic itching, pain in the genitals, venereal diseases
• It is also possible that a child show no outward signs, and hide what is happening from everyone.

If you child has been molested

It is important to stay calm. You must believe your child. Children don't often lie about being abused.

• Question them gently
• Don't make the child feel guilty. It is not the child's fault.
• Tell the child that you are glad he told you, that you are sorry it happened to him and that you want to help him.

Get Professional Help

Child Protection Units

Cape Town - (021) 592 2601

Johannesburg - (011) 403 3413

Durban - (031) 307 7000

Pretoria - (012) 353 5867 / 810 / 806

Bloemfontein - (051) 447 9808

Child Line

Safe Line

Your Local Hospital

Local Child & Family Welfare Organisation

Encourage children to always tell an adult and to keep telling until someone helps them.

Remember: Teaching children and preparing them is the most important aspect. They will then be prepared to handle and react to situations in a correct and safe way. Children that know prevention techniques and how to look after themselves are the safest children and are less at risk.

Teach your child to:    Refuse .. Run ... Report